Peaceful Day in Konoha
by Lucky Black Moon
Summary: Abrupt changes of subject. Kakashi in sexy outfit. Pyromaniacs and STD. What else you could ask for?


Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto

Warning: Insanity, Male!Sakura, Shounen-ai

Alt Name: What I could do for My Nee-chan

XXX

"Satsuki-chan, 'ttebayo!" cried a loud knuckle head blonde ninja, also known as Naruto Uzumaki.

"Hey! I'm not that loud!" he shouted to the author of this fiction.

"Naruto! Don't break the fifth wall," scolded Satsuki, a bipolar pink haired shinobi. "You're still stuck in the lowest stage of human evolution, I'm sure. Let's do some tests!

"Alright Naruto…" he started as he got a stack of papers out of nowhere. "See the pictures? I'll show you some of them and you'll tell me of what you think when you see them."

The blonde nodded. He fidgeted as he waited for his teammate to begin. Satsuki showed him the first picture.

"A cloud which looks like a whale!" was Naruto's answer.

Satsuki showed him another image.

"A cloud which looks like a dolphin!" Naruto shouted as Satsuki sweat dropped. "Satsuki-chan, all I see are clouds. Fluffy Fluffy clouds!"

'Minato-sama, I think Kushina-sama cheated on you,' Satsuki thought. 'I doubt these are your genes. Sorry.'

"Satsuki-chan… I wanna eat ramen. Yay! Ramen, ramen, ramen!" the blonde sang joyfully.

He suddenly stopped. "I hate tomatoes. Yes, I hate them. Orochi-teme had tomatoes, so Sasuke went with him to Oto and went all crazy and psychopath."

Satsuki almost panicked. 'Oh no! Of it continues, Naruto will unleash the Kyuubi in his rage and bye-bye the best tempura restaurant in Konoha. I must stop him.'

He fished out a MP3 and switched it on. "Naruto, listen. Don't you hear this?" he asked hopefully. "That's Mozart, your favourite musician, right?"

"Yep! Viva la Revolution and Mozart!" the blonde shinobi shouted, no longer angry.

"Satsuki-chan?" Naruto called out, out of the blue.

"Yes, Naruto, what is it?" answered the pink haired teen, already used to the sudden changes of subject. He could keep track of a conversation with Naruto without much thought.

"What's a pyromaniac?"

Satsuki almost fell over. For a change of subject, it was one hell of a change of subject.

"A pyromaniac is… a guy like Sasuke. Remember? Sasuke always put fire to trees, buildings or people."

Naruto hummed and (completely uncharacteristically) looked thoughtful.

'Maybe I should drag him to my laboratory for more tests. Hm… Naruto could be retarded, or schizophrenic… Or stuck in a child-like state. I should try to give him a teddy bear…' Satsuki ranted in his mind.

'Oi Outer! Shut up! I'm trying to get a view of Kakashi-sensei in a monokini!' shouted his Inner, ever the fanboy.

'Bloody horn dog! That's my body which is reacting. I don't plan on decorating a nursery so soon!' the pink haired male replied mentally.

'But look! That's so hot… Is that Iruka-sensei?! Oh kami, Outer, let's go play the peeping-tom!'

Satsuki left Naruto( "We'll meet at Ichiraku Ramen!" he shouted as he left) and trailed after the couple of teachers.

The former cross-dresser could only sigh wistfully as he watched the definitely loving teachers.

A wall to his left crumpled and Orochimaru briskly ran to a tomato shop to steal some fo the plumper ones.

"Stop this woman, man, snake, whatever it is!" Izumo shouted as he jumped from the busted wall.

Satsuki jumped and threw his legs around the neck of the humanoid creature.

"As the Hokage's apprentice, I request to be able to study this SPT. For those who don't know what is a SPT, it's a person suffering of a severe branch of STD. SPT is the shorter name for a Serpentine Paedophile Transvestite and STD is for Serpent Transsexual Disorder. Thank you," declared the pink haired male, as he locked his ankles together and threw back all his weight.

Both Orochimaru and him toppled to the ground and Satsuki got out a rope out of one of his pouches to restrain his newly acquired test subject which was almost unconscious but not quite.

Elsewhere in Konoha, Hatake Kakashi, still in his monokini exclaimed brightly, "Iruka darling, how about going to the swimming pool?"

Iruka gave his approval and they went to the only swimming pool in Konoha.

At the entrance of the building encompassing the pool, they saw a sign in which was written: 'While being in the building do not run. Beware of the banana peels.'

With that cryptic inscription still in mind, the two shinobi entered the building before scoffing loudly.

"We are ninja. We do not run, we disappear without a tra- Ah!" Kakashi said before slipping on a very real banana peel.

"Kakashi! Stop fooling around and go to the Konoha Host Club Special Swimming Pool event!" shouted Iruka, while changing into his swimming trunks.

Naruto came out of nowhere and exclaimed, "Now, I know who's the woman in this relation. As a reward, I'll give you this beautiful, hear ugly, canvas Sai painted on, Iruka-sensei!" and tried to get the hell out of there.

"I'll go watch 'Under the Dome' before going to Ichiraku Ramen with Satsuki-chan! Bye!" the blonde ninja shouted as he made some Shadow Clones to propel him to his house.

Iruka, having been appointed as the male of his relationship, beamed like a child having seen his most wanted gift under the Christmas tree.

Back to Satsuki, the latter was skipping merrily down the path to his Most Secret Laboratory of Doom, even to that baka Danzo, while dragging (and making bounce) the unconscious SPT behind him.

All of a sudden, Gaara got out of a bush beside Satsuki, startling the pink haired shinobi.

"Panda-chan! Or should I say Tanuki-chan?" greeted Satsuki. " How are you?"

"I am quite fine Satsuki-san. Would you please tell me where is Naruto Kitsune-kun?" the red head asked.

"I think he is playing with Neko-tan…"

"That bloody cat! I'll kill that Matatabi!" Gaara screamed in calm frustration. He departed, intending to kill again the Two Tails.

Satsuki stared at where Gaara used to stand then shrugged and set off to torture… Er… observe the habits of a newly captured SPT. He suddenly remembered that he had to go eat ramen with a certain hyper blonde and regretfully deposited Orochimaru in a cell before going out of his Most Secret Laboratory of Doom and Observation.

Inside the cell, Orochimaru woke up free and actively tried to devise a plan to break out of that hellish prison.

"First, Kabuto will cause an explosion in Suna to distract the nins there and make them ask for help from Konoha," he… Er… She-It! It said to itself. "Then, I'll use these nail clippers and- Ah! A mouse!"

It screamed girlishly and jumped on a chair while waving its arms frantically around head.

At Ichiraku Ramen, Naruto got an earful of angry ranting from Gaara while Satsuki sniggered behind their back.

"I swear that I'll make you get haemorrhoids! No, swine flu! I'll make sure you commit incest too!" shouted Gaara impassively.

Naruto thought what he had done to anger Gaara so much but came up with nothing. Well, till Gaara calmed down, he could do nothing but dodge the attacks and wait.

Another peaceful day in Konoha. Sigh.


End file.
